time really flies... it has been 10 years since i stared using the internet..

 

Remember the first time i get in touch with this weird thing call the "internet" was at my aunt's house..

tat time..."pentium" computer was like...super cool... tat's shows wat the condition was at that time..

well.. u start to surf the net.. join chat room (IRC was famous then....still remember #smtp.. my old school's chat room)

then started ICQ...with that BONDGILA was borned.. my first nickname and one tat i loved...

 

time continues. get in touch wif html..javascript...think i was the top of the world (15 year old... ez to go over my head)

then .. make webpage.. earn bout 400 riggit from my 1st website.. (actually is Jason Mok's..i just cash in the check and he gave me a share of it)

Used that money.. wasted some...

then lives goes on..nothing else happen ...net bcame boring...

 

when i get hook back.. downloading has a difffernt name ..Bitcomet..then bit spirit.. then emule.. now xun lei...

now.. no more download.. go tudou.com..go youtube.com...

tat happened within 3 years..

 

now.. bloging.. newslettering...

 

10 years of life with the net.. a net that get me out of my self confined mind and heart..without you.. i would have benn yet another "zai nan"..

without you..i would be more of a nerd and not as talkative now..

 

net net... you gave me a lot.. and i thank you for that..

 

10 years.. thanks for being in my life...

15/8/08， 马大全辩止步复赛

16/8/08，大马奥运羽球决赛饮恨

 

两个成绩都令人伤心。。。却有不同意义

 

因为输给评判是可悲的，

而输给更强的对手是可喜的。

 

期望辩手，羽毛球手经过这次的洗礼能吸取经验为未来打拼！！

 

加油！！

 

 

毕业不做工，

放假不休息，

白天不知醒，

夜晚不知睡。

 

那就是马大全辩队！！

 

你们对辩论的激情，耐力无人能敌。

 

除了你们，没有人牺牲更多。

除了你们，没有一队是四天王（97），四地王（01），完全佩服的。

有了你们，冠军是我们的！！

 

8月24日，决赛见！！

 

What Yong Yeong Chow Means

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

When some things come to and end, other things starts to unfold.

 

I have been looking for a job after one week of my travel to Hk & Macao ( want to kno more, go to You Must C First-Travel)

 

During my search, i always ask myself, what i want to be? what job i want to find?

 

i kept on looking and sending resumes but actualy withou much focus. then i realise i want to be in sales no matter what.

so all my resumes are sent to sales position, car sales, sales engineer, sales executive..etc....

 

Then i start to think, what if i had a job? wat else i want in life?

i realise i want to go back and start my one stop financial center after few years of work.

so i opened up my own financial blog http://modelmoney.blogspot.com to give out suggestions to people to help them.

 

But life is weird, it doesn't show anything when u dun have any plan.

Then after u planned, everything starts to show up.

interviews, although no success yet.

blogs...done but stil need marketing

life.. is about planning,

 

now i am waiting for a job so that i could continue to plan.

 

 

 Let's do some simple calculations here.
>
> In Malaysia , the average family income is RM3,000 /month
> (where father works, mother doesn't).
>
>
> I understand there are many families whose
> monthly income does not reach RM3,000,
> but, to make things simple,
> let's take RM3,000 as the figure. Ok lah, right?
>
> Okay, let's start rolling with a family which has
> Papa, Mama, 1 daughter and 1 son. Ngam-ngam ....
>
> Calculation starts...
>
>> > > Electricity and water bill:                                RM100
>> > > (No air-con, No home theatre, No water heater ... ok?)
>
>> > > Phone bill ( Telekom):                                    RM100
>
>> > > Meals for a happy family:                               RM775
>> > > (3 meals on RM25/day, RM25 for 4 persons...?)
>
>> > > Papa makan / teh-tarik during working hrs:    RM155
>> > > (RM5/day, RM5 ... can eat what?)
>
>> > > Car repayment: RM400
>> > > (A proton saga aeroback, 7 yrs repayment)
>
>> > > Petrol (living in city, traffic-jam):                     RM300
>> > > (go to work, bring son to school, only can afford one car running)
>
>> > > Insurance:
> RM650
>> > > (kids, wife and myself)
>
>> > > House repayment:                                         RM750
>> > > (low cost housing repayment for 30 yrs,
> retired still have to work to pay!)
>
>> > > Tuition:
> RM80
>> > > (got that cheap meh? i don't think so)
>
>> > > Older children pocket money @ school:         RM20
>> > > (RM1/day, eat bread?)
>
>> > > School fees:                                                     RM30
>> > > (enough ah?)
>
>> > > School books and etc:                                     RM100
>> > > (always got extra to pay in school)
>
>> > > Younger children milk powder:                      RM50
>> > > (cannot have the DHA, BHA, PHA one, expensive)
>
>> > > Miscellaneous:                                               RM100
>> > > (shampoo, rice, sauce, toilet paper)
>
> Oh wait!!! I have to stop here, so...
>
> No Astro,
> no movie @ cinema,
> no DVD,
> no CD,
> no online,
> cannot KFC,
> cannot McDonald,
> cannot go Park walk during weekend (petrol expensive),
> no chit chat on phone with grandparents, and etc...
>
> Let's use a calculator to total up... WALAO EH! Shit! RM3,610 already...
>
> EPF belum potong, income tax lagi........oledi RM3,610 ...
>
> How to survive lah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian ???
>
> Our Deputy Prime Minister asked us to change lifestyle?
>
> How to change? Don't eat? Don't work? Don't send children to school and
> study?
>
> Besides that, I believe in Malaysia population, there are millions of rakyat
> Malaysia which still don't earn RM3,000/month!!!
>
> What is this? Inilah Malaysia Boleh... Sorry... it should be Malaysians
> Boleh , because we're still alive and kicking!!
>
> Our politicians must be mad!!!!
>
> Please forward and comment boleh or tak boleh. No wonder so many Ah Loong
> around......

四年后的今天，来到了我大学的最后一天。

虽然还有毕业典礼但课业上，今天已是最后。

 

回顾四年，成长了很多，没那么幼稚，没那么固执，没那么不会说话，没那么不顾人情。

 

有的人会说，上大学是浪费时间。 但我肯定地说，上大学是值得的。

 

在大学里，认识了很多朋友。辩论里的，系里的，每一个都这么得好。虽然知心的永远比不知心的少，但总比没得好。

 

在大学里，学到了很多。但学会的只有一个，那就是“我会的很少”。

 

在大学里，虽然没钱赚，但有了知识，有了朋友，这都比钱来的好。

 

在进入人生的下一页前，还是想多些全部陪我度过大学生活的人，辩友，系友，老师，教练。

没有你们就没有今天的我。

谢谢。

Walau!!!!

so many things to do and all need to read b4 can start...

head getting bigger and bigger but it's sometimes a fun and sometimes a pain

a painful fun..

who can understand me????

haha

相信很多人都有看过《小王子》这本经典著作。在当中，小王子去了他小行星区内的六颗星球才来到地球。这一年，小王子来到了马来西亚。了解了这里的文化与四十九年的发展后，他发现这一年里马来西亚有类似他之前去的六个行星上的人。

 

            首先，今年马来西亚有一个和编号三二五小星球上的国王一样的人。那个人和国王一样，以为自己有权利控制一切。自己说过要建的桥就一定会建。但他有一点不像国王。如果事情不如国王所愿，国王会立即改口。马来西亚这个“国王”却会继续想尽办法要求别人以他的方式行事，不跟从的话就得接受他的批评。可能会开记者会大事批评，也可能和当事人见面后立即说出有利自己的话。这些都是为了保持自己的有权利的形象，而这点又和编号三二五行星的国王的紫色貂皮长袍的用处一样，吓唬人而已。实际上这两人都没有权利控制他们想控制的事情。

 

            编号三二六行星上有一个爱现男人，2006年的马来西亚也有一个。在那行星上，爱现的男人以为自己受人仰慕，非常自负。什么都认为自己是对的，不断寻找特定人物的拍手。马来西亚的“爱现男人”也是如此。他提出边缘化论，煽动了其他种族的情绪。没有证据证明自己对也无所谓，但当别人提出证据证明他是错的以后， 他还不愿意道歉，这就是自负了。他为了同族人的拍手自愿接近煽动法令，但要抓他还得看他的岳父是谁了。

 

            小王子还发现我国有很多编号三三零行星上的地理学家。他们和地理学家一样是学术界的。地理学家的特点是他无法了解自己的要做的事，他依靠别人来告诉他，给他资料，他才会去做他应该做的事。还有一点，他注重硬体设施而不注重软体思想。在马来西亚，这些人每年都要看外国的排行榜来衡量自己。别人说外国学生少，他才增加外国学生的学额。别人说他学术研究没有英文版本，他才努力去写英文版。更有趣的是，四十九年来他不断投资硬体设备，任由软体思想堕落。口里答应民主选举，手里却操纵制度。口里说开放，却限制男女同学间的来往。小王子说“幸好换了几个女性来带领改革，成绩还有待明年看。”

 

            环顾马来西亚四十九年的发展，小王子还发现马来西亚又和编号三二八行星上的商人一样的种族。商人的理论是他先发现的东西就是属于他的，所以他拥有很多星星。但小王子却指出拥有的意义在于能够奉献与所拥有的东西，拥有花朵是有意义的因为花朵需要我们的浇水。我国内一些特定种族里的人都有这一个思想。他们认为因为他们的祖先先到这片土地，所以这片土地是他们的。任何后来到来的人都是欠他们的。四十九年来，他们依赖着他们拥有的拐杖但却只会说拐杖帮他们不够多。国土要发展时就伸手要成果，奉献却不及其他人。他们真的拥有的毫无意义。

 

            最让小王子高兴的是他找到了编号三二七上的酒鬼一样的人，但这些人却逐渐清醒了。酒鬼每天喝酒为了忘记自己是酒鬼的可耻。就好像一些依靠政府的企业，每天依靠因为想脱离依靠的可耻；还有一些是每天支持因为想脱离丢脸的可耻。他们逐渐清醒了，因为他们亏了五季后终于放弃了一些依靠。也因为他们亏了二亿后终于愿意让外资入股。甚至还一致提出改革的“红，蓝，白，黄”皮书。希望他们真的醒了，因为国家买给他们的酒都是人民的税收。

           

            最后，小王子却找不到和编号三二九上的灯夫一样的人。那位灯夫每天依照规则行事，是个不为自己忙碌的人，更可贵的是他放弃了他想做的事来进行他的职责。可能有的人会说政府官员就是这种人，但小王子却发现我们的政府官员是本区域效率最慢的，我国在清廉排行榜里也不是年年上升。为别人忙碌之说就提不起了，贪污也不是规则的一部分。我们的政府是不是应该把灯夫原则贯彻始终呢？还有待考量。但至少议员们应该做到，因为他们只需在适当的时候去为了人民的会议而不是去“激动言词”会议。

           

            小王子走前留下一句话，“希望明年会更好，大家加油！”。

last semester for my university degree life.

 

this sememester have to work the hardest of my four year.... Y? because i dun have 3.0

 

many ppl say work hard first then can play hard later..

 

but life until here, i could see if you work hard first, u might not have frens around u to play hard later.

 

so everyone, remember

must

 

WORK HALF and PLAY HALF.

 

then you could choose to WORK HARD when condions needs you to

and also

PLAY HARD when condition lets you to do so.

 

HAVE FUN IN LAST SEMESTER

or better said is final year project.

 

everyone has to do one in their final year.

me too...

 

after 4 months into it july --> november.

i have only know that little bit of my project.

 

wat makes me headache is, in my project. i spend more time making the equipment for experiment than doing the experiment itself.

When i see other students that could start their experiment and continue doing it. it makes me envy...

 

and most of the time, the equipment made could not be used perfectly....cause by my inaccuracy.

 

time goes by....

result seldom drop by....

presentation coming by...

my headache growing by day!!!

 

have to do more and try more. until then. nothing would STOP ME!!!

 

 

Second last final exam in my university life....so i am studying hard to make 3.0..

 

it's not fun to see ppl with good result and you dun have it.

to them maintaining above 3.0 is easy.. but to me, moving up to 3.0 i need to study more than them.

 

mayb it's because i am more stupid.

but mostly is because i am more lazy the years before.

 

for my future, i would study hard!!!!

 

here i come, my future!!!

五年前，当《南洋商报》被华仁控股收购，顿时成了党报备受华社批评，责骂，唾弃。《星洲日报》乘势推出一连串的宣传，吸引华社分子。不到半年时间，老二成了老大。事过境迁，今天《星洲》,　《南洋》，《光明》，《中国》一是一家。是否有垄断的能力还有待市场去决定。但更有看头的应该是我国内的非主流华文媒体的行为了。

            一个企业要成功必须同时拥有天时，地利，人和。非主流华文媒体在本国所拥有的是人和。因为华社普遍认为，非主流媒体不畏强权，依实报导，言论不偏担政府。在适当的经营之下，非主流华文媒体也有了地利。多数的媒体都在各个市政有了通讯处，不然也有记者，他们都有自己的新闻网络。非主流华文媒体这几年来始终无法进入主流轨道只因为他们少了天时。没有主流倒闭，没有政府更替，更没有理由让华社唾弃主流。

            现在天时已得，那么非主流华文媒体会如何行动呢？

            同属报业的《东方日报》应该会如五年前的《星洲》一样宽大宣传管道，乘势增加读者群。宣传方法，策略，主题大可参考五年前的《星洲》。可悲的是在马来西亚就只有这件非主流华文报业。可否阻止报业垄断的出现就只能靠《东方日报》的各位了。

            除了报业，还有网络媒体。《星洲》有星洲互动，《南洋》有南洋网。非主流的有自由媒体（www.thefreemedia.com ），独力新闻在线 （http://www.merdekareview.com/）, 华文版现今大马 (www.malaysiakini.com/cn/ )。现金的社会和五年前不同。五年前，宽频是梦想，电脑是青年人的天下；现在，宽频家家有，青年已经成了栋梁。网络媒体的发展空间比以前大了很多。　而网络媒体是被公认拥有本地最宽的言论空间。以现今华社害怕失去言论空间的情形来看，网络媒体应该会是被拥抱的对象。

            垄断不是以企业大小来判断而是以社会认同来决定。如果社会不认同微软的软件的方便，微软无法壮大进而垄断。当华社认为《南洋》已没有言论空间，《星洲》就能成老大。如果现今的并购一样使华社失望，那么非主流也能成为主流。阻止垄断的出现不是反对收购，而不要购买。没有买家就无法当家。非主流华文媒体，华社与您一起努力！

在马来西亚的中学里， 华文学会这个组织几乎是必然存在的。虽然这些学会都会把推广华文文化，增加文化交流，进而拉近友族间的距离都纳入章程里面，但却少有实效。在中学里，华文学会是华人凝聚的焦点，却是友族怯步的起点。在这种情况下，无论华文学会举行再多的象棋比赛，书法比赛，辩论比赛，其最大成果也只能让华族更团结却不能拉近友族间的距离。有文化传承却没有文化交流。有推广文化，但局限于本族内。

            中学的华文学会种下的因，导致有华文学会的大学寥寥无几的果。这是有迹可寻的。报纸刊登，大学高层把大学生不团结的现象归咎于各语文学会。马大华文学会在校园选举期间被抹黑的文章。这些都是一些有心人的思想结晶。

            其实，大学内有华文学会的存在是有必要的。大学的华文学会有别于中学的华文学会，因为大学生的需求不同，也因为社会对大学生的期许有别于对中学生的希望。

            在大学里，友族之间都知道也希望能够了解彼此但却少了桥梁。能够让友族更了解华文文化的不是会讲英文和马来文的我们，而是让他们能够“读，听和写”华文。没有意愿了解的人，我们无法帮助。但有意愿的，华文学会的存在就能提供桥梁。就如马大华文学会有举办华文班，由学生教导友族基础华文，拟补了大学没有给予友族学华文的机会。有了桥梁，才能了解，进而团结。若要在中学里由学生办华文班，学生多无此能力，老师也不一定支持，校方就有待考证。

            对于大学生，社会要求的不再是多一个象棋比赛或是辩论比赛。社会更要看到的是大学生的对社会关注与对自身环境的负责。可能有言论说，华文学会不应涉及政治，也不应对外面的事物发表意见。但现实中，华文学会存在就是为了证明这些是谬论。当多数的华裔生是政治冷感，对社会无情，却因华文学会而凝聚时，社会就能通过华文学会纠正这些错误的思想了。注入的方法不是把学生们困住一个星期进行洗脑，而是让大学生通过不同的活动接触社会。马大华文学会有社醒组，其他大学有各自的活动。而当华文学会的领导人身体力行的时候，社会没有否决他们。否决的只有那些不明白华文学会存在意义的人。只有了解社会，关心社会，对自身环境有见解的大学生才能促进团结。 对于中学生，社会只要求了解而还没要求中学生发表意见。

            华文学会有必要再大学里建立，因为大学是需要文化种子成长的园地，也因为大学有愿意照顾文化花朵的学生，更重要的是大学里有想要欣赏文化花朵的友族。大学，社会，政府不应该把大学里的华文学会等同于中学里的华文学会。

            为什么大学里应该有华文学会？

            因为大学的华文学会不是分裂的因素而是团结的契机。

today is 9.10.2006, it's almost the end of my 1st semester in my last year of university.

 

Everything seems to be so fast. start of semester, mid semester and now..end of semester

 

this sem has been proven to be educating me the most since 1st year.

i learn a lot from my final year project work

i learn a lot from my coursemates

i learn a lot from my supervisor

and i learn a lot from my girlfriend

 

all of this has added up to the me now.

less desire to debate, more desire for result

less desire to play, more desire to study and work

less desire to be alone, more desire to be with people.

 

hope everything turns out right and good for me, in result , relationship and everything.

 

大学就是社会的缩影。大学生在这里看见，听见和体验的都应该是最接近社会的。因此校园选举是如此的重要。校园选举是大学生参与民主活动的起点。校园选举应该体现正确的民主程序，进行分权，监督，公平和公正。校园选举的责任是让新一代了解民主，参与民主，体验民主。以期未来的领袖们能够拟补我国民主制度的不足。但刚落幕的校园选举有做到这一切吗？

            当学生看到主办当局建立参选队伍；协助其队伍在宿舍宣传；想方设法打压亲学生阵线时，对学生有什么影响？

            把票箱放在宿舍，强逼学生投票，建立优势。这种行为会让学生误解，国家大选时的选区划分也是以同样目的进行的。

            在宿舍区内公然承诺若得到90%的票就调低住宿费，胜利后却不一定兑现。这种行为会让学生误解，政治家大选前的大胆承诺也和宿舍承诺一样，迟迟没行动。

            其实现今的校园选举最让人误解的是。无论是青派或篮派胜利，学生理事会都没有实权，无论是监督权，发言权还是决定权。所以他们选择不投票。这只会让学生误解国家大选中胜利的人民代议士也一样没实权因为他们不是管理层，所以不用麻烦去投票。

            选举到底是怎么一回事？大学生你知道了吗？

published in Sinchew on 30/9/2006, my first of many (i hope)

3 years ago, when i first step into UM. School democracy was inhaling it's last breath.

my hostel was a an embargo from dark politic because then the admisnitration was in transition.

After the transition, everything goes into the dark.

 

Now, UM is undergoing a more major transition, although there are recouting of votes but other particulars

are kept the same dark ways. Where hostel management would help certain delegates in their promotion,

political student bodies chooses the menacing way to win their game.

 

They choosed to tear up posters that encourage voting; they comment articles based on the person that propose it and not the thing commented; They even choose to send out black mails or defamation mails. Do they know they could be sued by their doing?

They probably know, because they never show up their face when they do such stuff.

 

The opposing body was angry of their doings, but are they better? mayb not, although they did no poster tearing or wrong commenting.

But they too played some defamation. They did better this year, because they hold some proof before they accuse others. Before...it was only accusing.

 

Apart from those that involve themself in the voting. The most important and most ignorant party is those that have the voting privelage.

With only 30 - 40 % of voting rate, democracy is really not rising in the university level. Students do know about their rights and privilage but they just do not want to use it. Some say, their vote would not change anything; Some say, they have too much homework; Some even say, they rather rest for the day. Let's think further into the future, in 1-3 years, this people would be voting for the country. by then what would they say? Barisan sure win, so i do not need to vote ? I have many work to do? It's better to rest for the day?

 

All of this comes down to the bad management level in UM. Their position should be the organizing cousel for the elections and not the running party. They are the one that should impose fair play during election. They are the one that should encourage students to vote.

 

But all they did is the opposite . They join into the election by setting up "Aspirasi", they used the hostel management, security management and even the HEP to help their party. But the most unforgivable thing is, they did not encourage students to vote. They choose to declare holiday for the morning session when they know most students would not go to school if there is no class. They did not do anything to encourage students living outside to come back to vote. They did nothing to encourage voting!!!

 

University Democracy still has a long way to go. Students have to be more aware, Management level have to more fair, Goverment should understand democracy.

 

UMANY, you have to work more and more. Next year is another year, Learn and be stronger.

Go UMANY!!

Nowadays, people that know me see me comb my hair. And they dun know that i was botak for the first 21 years of my life.

Having a botak head is realy good. You feel more cool. you brain has much more air to breathe. And when u go into shower, the coldness of the water or the hotness of the water is felt by ur head in first contact. And tat's is FUN!!!

But with my longer hair now. I sometimes feel burden by it. Normally my head would be the first place to get hot when the weather gets hot and the last one to cold when the weather get's cold. That's irritating......

I really want to change back to botak.....it suits me when i need to think....

 

Just dunno how people around me would react...

Don't care lar!!!! if i continue to be blur in the end of month, i will go home and cut back to my 1cm hair style.

Don't want bother how people looks at me, as long as i have a contious mind...

Rather be less handsome than blur everyday.!!!

 

 

 

第2年，    寻找出路

            开学不到一星期，我又再次踏足新加坡。这次是来看第一届亚太辩论赛。虽然只有四人同行但一个星期里陆续有教练来当评判。教练们就好像在轮班般陪着我们。期中，我们有在走廊辩论；霸占休闲间重看比赛；甚至半夜寻吉他弹唱通宵。最特别的是，我们还有机会和外国朋友如新国大的，墨尔本大学的等等，一起训练，切磋切磋。这次训练让我了解到不同的组合真的可以带出不同的火花。还记得他们出人意表的表现，如以下的问答。

                        问：“善花如何解出恶果？”

                        答：“基因突变”。

决赛前，迟来的队友还更保安人员玩“兵抓贼”呢。幸好当时有澳洲的朋友帮助，把他们偷藏在房间里。不然，他们就要“潜送”回国。这次的观赛，让我有机会接触不同国家的辩手，以及更近距离的和教练接触。

P/S: 两年后的亚太赛我再次遇到当时墨尔本的训练朋友，但却忘了他的名字，而他却记得我的名字。真是抱歉了。。我的记性不好。。。

            除了国外赛，这一年还有一个国内赛，中马区辩论赛。对我而言，也是现实抬头的日子。

            这一年，多了几个有素质的辩手加入辩论队如晓萍，宇晖，志伟，捍松，晓惠。当时中马赛的选拔赛时，虽已尽力但还是没被选上，最终只能做领队。回途中被勋亮问及：“会伤心吗？”虽然口里说不，但心里早已酸了。

            在中马赛训练期间，看着队友们努力，渐渐成形。也看见因比赛而引起的心理战。其实，细想回去，我多数的时候都没加入训练。自暴自弃的日子倒是多些。回这样主要原因是我不断的想着∶“还要继续留在这里吗？”，“都没机会了，为什么要留下？”。虽常想但始终都没有答案。

            最后，中马赛，我们在半决赛止步。虽然过后有何新国大打友谊赛但却已不会享受辩论了。

            其实，中马后又一段长时间没变论活动。对我而言，却得了一个喘气的时间，能够做其他事情。

            第二年，现实抬头，挫折感缠身，寻找出路。